Murder, She Wrote

I'm thinking of submitting a new script to revive this popular series. I have a good plot called;

The Case Of the Noxious Nebulizer

The action is centred around The Winter Gardens Blackpool, shortly after a Labour Party Conference has been held.

Basically, a politician (Dr Doreen) is doing a bit of work to help with her meagre wage situation and begins 'doing-in' various artistes. The motive for this is not quite clear, but Doreen had appeared in a film as a child actress, so a return to the stage could be the reason.

I'm currently working on a cast list and have so far come up with the following:

Dr Doreen..................................... Hazel Blears

Jessica Fletcher.......................... Lucy Meacock

Inspector Trubshaw.....................Laurence Llewelyn Bowen

The Puppeteer.............................. Peter Mandelson

The Mime....................................... Neil (I'm saying nowt) Turner

Billy and The Boys........................ B Barker & The Envoys

Amanda Thompson.......................Herself

Best Boy........................................ Victoria Beckham

Script Editor/Prompter.................WW's Mache

Ms Meacock's ensemble.............Primark

Costumes.......................................Monsieur Joseph-a-go-go Ince

Shoes by........................................Discount Daisies

Transport/chauffeurs...................Rent-a-Wreck Pemberton

Lighting..........................................Torben Merriott



Jessica Fletcher has been invited to stay with Amanda Thompson's family in the Pleasure Beach while she researches some fairground stuff for her latest book, which is incidentally based an an old Scooby Doo script.

Billy and the boys have just finished a Summer season at Pontins. They are a likable lot who have a few comedy moments, but are crucial to the plot. See films like Summer Holiday (Cliffy) and Every Day's a Holiday (Freddy & The Dreamers)

"Costumes...........Monsieur Joseph-a-go-go Ince"

I don't even have a lithp!

but you do have a handbag

It's not a "handbag" it's a gander bag.

Typing slow I'm half pished toneet.

It's me birthday!

happy ancient day to you, you share it with hughes the booze

happy birhday joseph....

Happy birthday, Joseph 1!

And many happy returns!

Happy birthday Hughes the booze.

I'm not ancient Danni and lovely.

you are more ancient than me, it was my half birthday yesterday

Ok.......what is a "gander bag"?

Oh and happy birthday from me and enjoy one or lots of this.....



Although it sounds like you may have already.

Its a man bag Lise

I have Lise my family have given me a grand day today, I'm a very luck chap!

Yes and a few bottles of Pernod have been gratefully received.

and sunk by the sound of it

No only one opened Danni there's only me likes it.

It's his birthday, it's allowed Danni!

You're a very lucky fella by the sounds of it Joseph!

course it is allowed Lise

happy birthday get it down you

Thank you.

This keyboards a bit fast for me toneet.

sellotape it to your desk then

It's them letters they keep shifting about Danni it's taking me ages to type.

get someone to hold your head still

pmsl @ Joseph!

Just look out one eye and you'll be reet lol!

or squint!

Good idea that, dreading that bedroom ceiling though.

2 pints and 2 paras before bed and you'll be reet

As long as it's not mirrored and you actually see yourself spinning you'll be reet!

do you mean 2 pints of water

"2 paras before bed" sod off, no wonder Dustaf as got me on the costumes!

paracetemols ya numpty

Don't let DB here you say that Joseph lol!

Happy birthday Joseph 1

Now gerroff me bloody thread. unless you're auditioning.

I have still to allocate the parts of a tram driver and clippie.

And Mrs Farnworth a curious but sinister spinster who is the guesthouse landlady. Peter Kay pulled out at the last minute.

think he's asleep

Cheers mester.

Have I just read this elswhere?

thought you had nodded off

who's the sleazy chap in the shadows

Oh keep still will ya.

who?

All of you.

moving

Not fair Danni.

Cheers Danni.

What sleepy chap Mache?

but funny just a touch of payback

Hank Marvin

Hank Marvin????

Posted by: mache (2925)
who's the sleazy chap in the shadows

Replied: 16th Oct 2009 at 21:53



Please try to keep up mester.

dont ask

Bugger I read "sleepy chap" sorry folks.

Is Mr Marvin Sleazy

Is it time for Columbo to arrive on the trail of the stolen pernod

and i thowt i'd wrote crap

shurrup mache

sorry write

Stolen pernod?

Someone had better destroy the evidence.

Sleazy.

Do you require some oxygen mester?

he needs sommat

I've got the Dagenham Girls Pipe Band booked for the interval if that's any help?

Happy Birthday Joseph

"Dagenham Girls Pipe Band" Didn't they complain about M & W using their name many years ago?

do they play piccelo's

Thank you Tracy.

Mache not sure what clubs they played at.

not clubs piccolos but without holes(o's)

That was The Dagenham Girl Pipers

According to my legal team.

And the difference is?

essex girls

were they once the Black Dyke band before being obliged to change their name for PC reasons

Don't know about Essex Mache but your Barking.

Black Dykes. Best say nowt.

how come Amanda Thompson gets to play herself.
is dustaf after a free big one.

aye

A certain lady was kind enough to let me have a last go on a pump.

Flipping eck!

My job is so unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
(I can sense Ruddy Dicks excitement from here)

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.

She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel in the crown has got to be the stoner. This guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big dog to work.
Every day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single day.

Anyway, I drive these Wastrels around in my van and we solve mysteries and stuff.

My Nickname is Miss Marbles

Dustaf's is Jason Kink...

I nearly got away with it, only for those interfering kids!

A thrilling read

Time and relative dimensions in space?

Not if it went in reverse.

Amy Pond.

Duck Pond!!

Quack

Says "amy pong" on the tab!!

Iwouldn't kick her out of................



no wonder...etc..

"Script Editor/Prompter"


I have since resigned

I suppose that's a good enough excuse for your naughty resurrection.

Could I tempt you with another role.

That Dustaf sounded like a great laugh, everyone seems to be very happy then. Possibly because there are no nasty comments or interruptions by those just looking to cause bother.

A good read, some funny people then.

Could do with more of these types of posts in these lackdown times to cheer folk up.

As long as the lurker is here, unless ignored, he will do his best to RUWIN threads

Well done to Arfur in taking up the baton (sounds painful) of entertainments manager for WW.

You have been mentioned in dispatches to those who need to know.

Tis a honour indeed to be mentioned in dispatches and to be given a chance to cheer the members of the messageboard up holding a Christmas Nativity/panto was a commission I could not refuse but to be thought of as a contender to take up Dustaf's baton is a goal a thousand miles from where I am now , He was a superstar ( so I am told) on this messageboard and a irreplaceable asset,

You added an 'et' to the last word of your post, Arfur.